A powerful 4-step DBT skill for when you're feeling overwhelmed and about to act impulsively.
When you're in an emotional crisis, your 'thinking brain' (prefrontal cortex) goes offline, and your 'emotional brain' (amygdala) takes over. The STOP skill is a way to pause that reaction and bring your thinking brain back online before you do something you might regret.
Literally freeze. Do not move a muscle. Stop what you are doing, saying, or thinking. This single action interrupts the impulsive momentum. Plant your feet firmly on the ground. Hold your hands together. Just for a moment, be still.
Take a literal step back from the situation if you can. If you can't, take a step back mentally. Take one deep, slow breath. This creates a small pocket of space between the trigger and your reaction. It's in this space that you regain your power of choice.
Look around you. Notice what is happening externally (what do you see? hear?). Then, notice what is happening internally (what are you feeling in your body? what are your thoughts?). You are just gathering data like a neutral scientist. You are not judging it or acting on it yet. 'I observe my heart is beating fast. I observe I'm thinking about yelling. I observe the other person looks upset.'
Now, ask yourself: 'What is my goal in this situation? What action would make this situation better, not worse?' Considering the facts and your own values, choose a course of action. This could be continuing the conversation calmly, taking a longer break, or deciding to let the issue go for now. You are now acting with intention, not from raw emotion.