The Reality Log: Documenting Incidents

Why Keep a Log?

When you're being gaslighted or emotionally manipulated, you can start to doubt your own memory and sanity. A Reality Log is a tool to ground you in the facts. It's not for dwelling on the negative; it's for creating an objective record that validates your experience and helps you see patterns clearly.

How to Create Your Log:

Keep this log in a very safe, private place your partner cannot access (e.g., a password-protected notes app, a private email to yourself, a hidden physical journal).

For each incident of concern, record the following:

• Date & Time: When did it happen?
• What Happened: Describe the events as factually as possible, like a reporter. 'We were in the kitchen. I mentioned the credit card bill. He raised his voice.'
• What Was Said: Write down direct quotes if you can remember them. 'He said, "You're crazy, I never said that."'
• How I Felt: Record your emotional and physical sensations. 'I felt scared. My heart was racing. I felt small and confused.'
• Any Evidence: Note if there are any text messages, emails, or photos related to the incident.

Reviewing this log periodically can help you see that you are not 'imagining things' or 'being too sensitive.' It provides undeniable proof of the patterns of behavior.