What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. The term comes from the 1938 play 'Gas Light,' where a husband manipulates his wife into thinking she's going insane by dimming their gas-powered lights and denying it's happening.
Common Gaslighting Phrases and Tactics:
A gaslighter's goal is to control the narrative and make you feel 'crazy.' They often use phrases like:
- 'That never happened. You're imagining things.'
- 'You're being too sensitive/emotional.'
- 'I was just joking! You can't take a joke?'
- 'You're the one who has issues.'
- 'You're making that up.'
- Withholding information and then accusing you of being paranoid.
- Denying something they said, even if you have proof.
The Psychological Impact
Over time, gaslighting can be incredibly damaging. Victims often experience:
- Constant self-doubt and confusion.
- Difficulty making decisions.
- A feeling of being isolated and alone.
- Anxiety, depression, and a loss of self-esteem.
- A tendency to constantly apologize for their feelings or actions.
How to Respond to Gaslighting:
- Identify It: Recognizing the pattern is the first and most powerful step. Understand that this is a manipulation tactic, not a reflection of your sanity.
- Ground Yourself in Your Reality: Keep a private journal to record events and conversations exactly as they happened. This provides a written record to consult when you start to doubt yourself.
- Trust Your Gut: If something feels wrong, it probably is. Your feelings are valid, even if the other person tries to invalidate them.
- Disengage from Power Struggles: A gaslighter wants to argue about what 'really' happened. You don't have to participate. You can say, 'I know what I saw,' or 'We remember that event differently,' and then end the conversation. You don't need their agreement to validate your own reality.
- Seek Outside Support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Explaining the situation to an outside party can provide crucial validation and help you see the situation more clearly.